man oh man!

Happy Sunday everyone! Though if you ask me its not really that happy, Kaylee is sick so i had a very restless night, being a worrying mother and all, every little noise i had to get up to check if she was OK. at some point last night i kept thinking i should just go sleep in her room, but for some reason i decided against it and now i'm very very very tired. oh well motherhood, gotta take the good with the bad, though at this point my lack of sleep isn't my top concern, Kaylee is still coughing.

Another one bites the dust!

So its Friday again, but it might as well be Wednesday!all the days seem to run together now a days.

Recently we have hired on a "helper" at work, well she lasted 9 days, and quit..... it was an easy job, i don't understand why she quit, she seemed to be eager to work, and works harder that most of us. I guess she wasn't cut out for this business after all. Oh well, NEXT!

Sometimes i think i have gone insane, after working 3 years (continuously) in this business i want to slit my wrist and just off a bridge while downing a bottle of pills, but every day i go in there and i smile my ass off, and answer every freaking stupid ass questions that comes across. I come home and I'm sooo tired mentally mostly. but the day must continues, i cant hit pause.. wait can i??

Kaylee is getting to be too smart! She understand more than any 4 years old should. her whys have now become "what does that mean?" or "why does that work that way?" which is wonderful but even i don't know everything, nor do i try to. I wish I was a kid again, rose colored glasses, when everything is Sunshine, and rainbows. ah i wish.... please please please? no?? OK fine.... thought i don't know i like the knowledge i have of the lessons i have learned through trials and tribulations.


so as most of you know i turn 29 in 4 months, is the ticking getting louder or is it me? I want other kid! so much that i think I'm getting antsy.. i know i know it'll happen when it happens, and it seems its not happening, which I'm totally happy with Kaylee... but how nice would it be with one or maybe 2 more kids?? but i learn that a miracle like that rarely comes when you plan it. oh well I'll be happy either way.

well this day winding down so goodnight all i am out!

Well its another day, lately i have been feeling... well i don't really know what i have been feeling, i feel like sometimes i'm alone in this world, I know I have my family. but what is life without friends?? if you know me well enough (that is the REAL me and not some version of me i decide to show) you know I tend to not stick with the same people for long. See my issues is i see their flaws too quickly, I see the manipulations, and the back stabbing, and the gossip, and the way they treat each other and sooner than later i run, far far away. When we are young we are not picky about our friends, with age comes more selective friends, and now that i'm about a year an a half till 30, i seem to be fickle in friends selection. I know its my own damn fault and i cant blame anyone. Ive accepted this but will i change??? no probably not, i'll become more fickle with age, and you know thats OK with me. more time for me to write my book. and for those friends that have a kept near and dear... well where are you? it seems even my judgment in friends still has a flaw in it, cause it seems i like to chase my past a lot, and during that time, i wasn't sane 80% of the time. but those friends are far and few but i still occasionally do drinks and dinner to keep my sanity in check.... or at least as much in check as possible.

I over analyzed people.... even people i truly know cause i always think they have an ulterior motive..... and usually i'm right!

another monday

Here we are again another mundane Monday! (thought it just started!) it seems everyday i wake up feeling like my life is set on repeat. sleep work, sleep work, it all blends in after a while.